As you all know; my Numero Uno bro, Ali, is studying politics at university.
Well, this is finally paying off…. for me…. because Ali has just thrown an absolute Rager of a house party. There were chicks, there were guys, there were some questionable beings there too, but everyone was off their nut.
Thanks to the terribleness of train schedules, I was one of the first to arrive at the party, not cool. However, it did give me some decent face time with one of Ali’s housemates’ friends (short, dark-skinned, curly hair, BJ lips).
Like most parties anyone arrives too early for, this one started hitting a bit of a lull about halfway through. Most of the sure-fire lines were already used up on this girl! The fresh jokes supply was running dangerously low, (because as you all know, I prepare for one night only, not a lifetime of hilariousness). Then in swoops the Undisputed, Champion of Wingmen, Ali. He was quick, he was charming, and he was overly camp and that is what infiltrated her high level of security. If there is one king of the ‘Gay Best Friend’ routine, it is Ali. “You guys should totally kiss!” he squealed. And from that moment, IT. WAS. ON.
Ali didn’t leave straight away, no. He has very much perfected the ‘linger for a few minutes’ routines. Think about it; If he came up and said that and left straight away, this chick would know we’re in cahoots and the jig would be up. No, he played the ‘linger for a few minutes’ routines, assured that the fire was roaring and then left at the perfect time.
After an initial plundering of the uncharted land on Ali’s sofa, in his living room, his housemate seemed to be unhappy with this. Clearly, the level of awesome was just too much for her to bear because when I say she seemed unhappy with her friend getting nailed on the sofa of her living room, she was LIVID. But that’s fine if she didn’t want vigorous two-people-naked-exercise being carried out on her sofa. Fine.
So I waited until she went out and continued with her friend in her room instead.
Loser: Everyone else, because I got laid and they didn’t.