Tinder/Texting/Tinder/Texting

WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY!

Although it is still a vital people skill that every man should have, the days of scoring a chick in bars/events/clubs are over. Not gone away, but texting and Tinder have definitely taken over the number one spot. Even three or fours years ago it was different! You’re in a club, a bit of eye contact from her, a bit of eye contact from you, exchange a few smiles, you walk over, maybe you buy her a drink or two? You both laugh, you flirt, you get drunk and then you take her home and pray she still isn’t there in the morning. Or, alternatively, you secretly invite over a ‘Bro-With-Boobies’ to pretend to be your girlfriend so this other girl gets disgusted and leaves.

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It’s just a classic move!

Tinder has since replaced this, it gives more time to think about your reply, it gives you the opportunity to pick your own pictures and give the best first impression, it gives you an opportunity with A SEA OF WOMEN. It does, unfortunately, give her the choice of an infinite amount of men (unless she looks like a sled dog). Women have a 308% higher chance of getting laid from Tinder than men do, why? Because they gots the goods! Fact! They have two hypnotic himalayas sitting right in front of them, and they know it. The number of women I know that go out at the weekend and don’t even bother bringing cash with them, because they know this magical power they have over us!

It is not difficult to flirt with someone via your phone. You just need to know how to do it. I have deleted and restarted my Tinder account countless times! Why? Practice. I even paid for Tinder Gold for 6 months so that I could practice on people in other countries (disclaimer: The NYC ladies love me, of course).

Here are my Top Tips for a successful flirtation game, via Tinder:

  • Don’t be predictable!

“Hey” or “Hey, how’re you” or “Hey I love your pics lol”

Really? Is that the best you got? Well, that’s the best that a lot of dudes have too, so enjoy being the gummy bear at the bottom of a big ol’ bag of gummy bears, because you are not getting picked any time soon.

You have to be exciting! And no, your dick pic will not blow her away no matter how much you thought it would ( c’mon be honest with yourself bro).

  • Compliment at the start, but not on anything physical.

yeeeaaaaaaaaah telling her she has a great ass might sound great in your head (and to be fair, if she does have a great ass, pound it bro, nice one!). Compliments come in time, maybe ask about something in her bio, or something in the background of her pictures, like a location? Paying attention to her bio is important, and if you do it right later on you can be paying attention to her bio-logy (heh heh nice)

  • Playfulness leads to Nakedness

This is where Tinder trumps real life. You could be the most boring person in the world, but it at least gives you a chance that real life just doesn’t. It gives you time to think about something to say. Don’t be too serious, poke fun at her a little bit. Not too much though, making fun of her grandma dying last week with definitely not get you a blowy bro….. and the fact I felt the need to tell you that really says a lot… doesn’t it.

Sarcasm however, is a serious danger zone.

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Well, you better get the fuck out of the Danger Zone. It will get read the wrong way because there is no tone to text. They will think you’re a bit of a dick, maybe even a lot of a dick? and if they think you are a dick, guess who won’t be getting company later? Your dick.

  • The 72 hour rule

Don’t just talk for ages. If you’re talking for more than 72 hours without making plans to do something, you’re wasting your time. I’ve recently seen a case of this with a friend of mine. He was talking to this girl and she kept rain-checking their dates, for well over a week. Ghost that shit, don’t waste your time.

In regards to the 72-hour rule though, don’t just text her, text her, text her, text her. Don’t tell her your life story. She doesn’t need to know that shit. 3 maybe 4 texts a day, then meet her. Don’t try to over-qualify yourself. She matched with you. You are a total boss.

Now, put on your Hugh Hefner approved smoking jacket, get on your phone, and go crush that puss bro.

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2 thoughts on “Tinder/Texting/Tinder/Texting

  1. I find most on tinder are just looking for hook ups, not that I look for a full on relationships it’s just I prefer the old school method where you sit drinking anc flirt then go home to your own home not theirs. My bedroom is my sacred space, and not that tidy anyway I am a bit of a book hoarder. I love books. But probably do have way to many.

    Liked by 1 person

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