LAZY AF.

Image result for me gif

The gap in my blog posts from time to time indicates that sometimes I’m busy, but often I’m not. I’m just a naturally sloth-like person. I’m lazy.

…and all throughout my life I have been berated for it.

It may be the case that you, like I, have experienced prejudice for being a lazy person; being called names such as “part-timer” and “lazy fucker” and “what the fuck are you doing? you’re a fucking slob!”,  I’ve personally never understood this name, it’s rather long and is quite a mouthful. But, I do hear it enough to classify it as a name, I think.

See? technically have to refer to that as a name.

Recently what has gotten me by is just working around it. It’s easy:

Don’t want to do a task at work or in the home? SORTED. Before you start the task sit there for 5 minutes mapping out the task and finding the easiest way to get through the task in the shortest amount of time as possible. If at work, can you rope in some other people and promote “teamwork”, awesome, do it. The best bit? for us lazy people out there: the five-minute thinking-sit-down at the beginning is almost like a little break too, which is nice.

Missed out on about a fortnight of blog posts? SORTED. Turn that into a blog post to revive your outstanding blogging career. Use a drop cap at the beginning of the post to distract when the reader hopefully scrolls back up to the top of the post to check: A) if a drop cap is really there, or, B) what a drop cap is. And, of course, having everyone absolutely falling out of their chairs whilst mildly chuckling to the dry humour that is The ‘C’ Word your blog. Not mine, yours.

Maybe it isn’t just at work or home your laziness affects? maybe it’s affecting the most sacred of aspects of your life. Your wonderful and productive hobby of one night stands.

An issue I have quite a lot (brag) is when I’m talking to/texting a being of the effeminate kind (typically a woman, to be clear) and just sometimes get too lazy to respond or reply, I literally just can’t be arsed. I think to myself ‘I’ll reply tomorrow and just say today was hectic and blah blah blah’. then one day slips into two days, which slides into three days, which quickly tumbles into a week. It’s a nightmare! You can’t just pop back up like “Tada! I can be bothered now”, usually, instant no layage.

A friend of mine, Crippled-Felix as we call him, (to be perfectly candid, we do not call him Crippled-Felix, we just call him by his name. I am including this to poke fun at the fact he broke his leg recently like an idiot and is crutching around right now. This is a power move. If you ever read this Felix… that’s right, feel the wrath of the most randomest and uncalled-for of disses when you least expect it. Asserting dominance. Alpha Male of the group. Woof.) Felix has a technique to reignite the potential of layage, which he educated unto me on a pilgrimage to Mcdonalds.

He just tells them he just got back from holiday. Like all lines, there are pros and cons to this line.

Pros: It’s easy, not difficult to lie. People go on holiday all the time. Not unusual at all. Next, holidays cost monaay, and who has monaaayyy? Wealthy guys. You with me? thaaaaats riiiiiight. *wink*. It’s a great big-you-up, believable line. Well done.

Cons: Little bit outdated. Nowadays most of us can use our mobile contract abroad, not everyone, but most of us. Also, for the real playas of us out there, what if you accidentally use the line a second time with the same chick, or if you get away with that one, god forbid a third time. Christ.

The point I’m trying to make with all of this is though:

Don’t kick yourself for being lazy. Learn to use it to your advantage, work with or around it. Work to your strengths. Don’t be held back by your weaknesses.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s