EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!

You’ve read that correctly.

Literally, every single thing that happens in your life, is your own fault.

Car hit you from behind? you got into your car that day, drove it, and decided to stop it where you did.

Dumped? You went out with them in the first place.

You put yourself in these positions with the decisions you have made in your life up to that point. Everything that happens to you, in your life, is down to you as an individual. And unless you see that, and own it, you will never be 100% in control of your own life.

My point is that we make excuses every single day. We look back on our childhood, past relationships, past jobs and blame them for the way in which we act. We shed the responsibility of our own actions and look for other things to pass the blame onto in order to make us feel better. I do it, I know I do it. And if you’re sitting there thinking “That’s not me, I wouldn’t do that”, straight away that indicates that you do in fact do this because you’re already wearing your kevlar shoulders. You’re already shirking the responsibility of your own actions.

Excuses are like an Asshole, we all have them and they’re full of shit.

And before you jump in the comments to defend yourself, because you think that this is a little bit harsh, and your feelings are hurt and you’re offended….. I don’t care. I really don’t fucking care and you know who else doesn’t care about your excuses? Everyone. Literally nobody cares about your excuses, or why your life isn’t going well. Nobody wants to hear it, why? because they have their own shit going on. Ever sat their when someone is chatting absolute b*llocks about why their life is so much harder than everyone else’s, and you’re thinking “fuck me, if you had any idea what is going on in my life” then that means someone else has done that to you. The only person you are making excuses for , is for yourself. You are the only one that cares about your excuses.

But rest assured; there is going to be a time in your life when something happens and you are going to have to wake up and realise that you are going to need to stop making excuses. Or, you can make that decision right here, right now and stop yourself going through the trauma of a life event that forces that thought on you.

You may be thinking right now “oh, you don’t understand, my life is really difficult, I’ve tried everything and nothing is working or improving”. So what? that is your life. Those are the cards you have been dealt and there is nothing you or anyone else can do to fix that. Those are your cards and you need to play with them. Play your cards, the best that you possibly can. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are done with excuses. Shout it, scream at yourself. Get that message in your head.

If you’re unhappy with your life, and you think your life is shit, then that is your fault. If you are happy with the way everything is going and your life is great, then that is your fault too.

Which path would you prefer to accept fault for taking?

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How to Fall in Love with Yourself, while wearing a suit #4

I am happy to present the fourth entry of the How to Fall in Love with Yourself while wearing a suit series:

  • Rule #11 – Undershirts 

Are great. Your shirt fits a bit tighter. Getting a bit warm? no need to worry about sweat patches. I would opt for a V neck long sleeve or short sleeve shirt, this avoids your undershirt peeking through.

Little tip: If you are wearing a white shirt, opt for a light grey under-t-shirt as this blends better and you won’t see the sleeves.

  • Rule #12 – Fabrics

The more often you wear your suit, the more durable your fabric will need to be. And surprise, surprise; the less often you wear a suit the less durable the fabric will need to be. For daily use, I would recommend durable wool, for example, a Super 120. Anything below this would not be durable enough for daily use.

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  • Rule #13 – Modern vs Classic

This decision is purely down to personal preference. I’ve put together this little infographic on the matter:


  • Rule #14 – Cuffed Trousers

I don’t like them.

LAZY AF.

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The gap in my blog posts from time to time indicates that sometimes I’m busy, but often I’m not. I’m just a naturally sloth-like person. I’m lazy.

…and all throughout my life I have been berated for it.

It may be the case that you, like I, have experienced prejudice for being a lazy person; being called names such as “part-timer” and “lazy fucker” and “what the fuck are you doing? you’re a fucking slob!”,  I’ve personally never understood this name, it’s rather long and is quite a mouthful. But, I do hear it enough to classify it as a name, I think.

See? technically have to refer to that as a name.

Recently what has gotten me by is just working around it. It’s easy:

Don’t want to do a task at work or in the home? SORTED. Before you start the task sit there for 5 minutes mapping out the task and finding the easiest way to get through the task in the shortest amount of time as possible. If at work, can you rope in some other people and promote “teamwork”, awesome, do it. The best bit? for us lazy people out there: the five-minute thinking-sit-down at the beginning is almost like a little break too, which is nice.

Missed out on about a fortnight of blog posts? SORTED. Turn that into a blog post to revive your outstanding blogging career. Use a drop cap at the beginning of the post to distract when the reader hopefully scrolls back up to the top of the post to check: A) if a drop cap is really there, or, B) what a drop cap is. And, of course, having everyone absolutely falling out of their chairs whilst mildly chuckling to the dry humour that is The ‘C’ Word your blog. Not mine, yours.

Maybe it isn’t just at work or home your laziness affects? maybe it’s affecting the most sacred of aspects of your life. Your wonderful and productive hobby of one night stands.

An issue I have quite a lot (brag) is when I’m talking to/texting a being of the effeminate kind (typically a woman, to be clear) and just sometimes get too lazy to respond or reply, I literally just can’t be arsed. I think to myself ‘I’ll reply tomorrow and just say today was hectic and blah blah blah’. then one day slips into two days, which slides into three days, which quickly tumbles into a week. It’s a nightmare! You can’t just pop back up like “Tada! I can be bothered now”, usually, instant no layage.

A friend of mine, Crippled-Felix as we call him, (to be perfectly candid, we do not call him Crippled-Felix, we just call him by his name. I am including this to poke fun at the fact he broke his leg recently like an idiot and is crutching around right now. This is a power move. If you ever read this Felix… that’s right, feel the wrath of the most randomest and uncalled-for of disses when you least expect it. Asserting dominance. Alpha Male of the group. Woof.) Felix has a technique to reignite the potential of layage, which he educated unto me on a pilgrimage to Mcdonalds.

He just tells them he just got back from holiday. Like all lines, there are pros and cons to this line.

Pros: It’s easy, not difficult to lie. People go on holiday all the time. Not unusual at all. Next, holidays cost monaay, and who has monaaayyy? Wealthy guys. You with me? thaaaaats riiiiiight. *wink*. It’s a great big-you-up, believable line. Well done.

Cons: Little bit outdated. Nowadays most of us can use our mobile contract abroad, not everyone, but most of us. Also, for the real playas of us out there, what if you accidentally use the line a second time with the same chick, or if you get away with that one, god forbid a third time. Christ.

The point I’m trying to make with all of this is though:

Don’t kick yourself for being lazy. Learn to use it to your advantage, work with or around it. Work to your strengths. Don’t be held back by your weaknesses.

Am I correct in wearing a suit, each and every day?

Yes, is the answer to your question.

Yes you should where a suit every day, for a number of reasons; Mens’ suits look great, and men in suits look fucking fantastic. A lot of offices these days (mine included) have a much more casual approach to a dress code.

Say, I’m at my office and I’m in a meeting. If I were to set up a camera in the centre of the table, panning around to each person in that conference room this is genuinely how it would look.

  • 1st Guy: Button up shirt, cufflinks, jeans, belt and smart shoes
  • 2nd Guy: Hoodie, T-shirt, Jeans and sneakers.
  • 3rd Guy: Short sleeved, button up shirt. Smart trousers and smart shoes.
  • 4th Guy: Cardigan, jeans, Chelsea boots.
  • Me: Bespoke suit, button up shirt, tie and smart shoes.

Workplace rules when it comes to dress code are just so lapse compared to what they would have been 30, 20 or even 10 years ago. However, why should this taint your decision to dress well?

Reasons to wear a suit everyday:

  • Your morning routine becomes so much easier.

Doesn’t make sense does it? Undershirt, shirt, black socks, shirt stays, tie, trousers, belt or braces, jacket, watch, jewellery. It all seems a bit of a faff around don’t it? Surprisingly not. Why? because I already know what I am going to wear the next day! I’m going to wear a suit. Sorted.

I don’t need to go through shirt after shirt. Does this hoodie go with that top? Do my blue jeans look okay with these trainers? These days are behind you. Your new interchangeable wardrobe makes life so much easier. Why not make it even easier again? Lay out your clothes the night before.

You know what you’re wearing and you know you’re going to look good.

  • Age neutrality

Nobody is ever happy. If you’re younger you feel like people aren’t taking you seriously, if you’re older you feel like you’re just old. It’s always noticeable when someone dresses not for their age. Ever heard of Mutton Dressed as Lamb? Yeah.

Suits are timeless! Yeah the styles might change here and there but if you stick to solely classic cut, solid colour suits. You could still be wearing the same suit when your 70 as you did when you were 17 and you’ll look trendy, smart, sophisticated and a right sexy motherfucker, if I do say so.

And speaking of sexy motherfuckers…..

  • You’ll look great all the time!

Suits draw attention to them. They are a confidence booster, they are a motivator and if you wear your suit to a bar or a night out, people (hopefully people with big ol’ boobies…. AKA: Women) will 100% ask you ‘why are you in a suit?’, and what can you respond to this?

Anything you want! You’re in a suit! They will trust you!

Just the other week I was a Private Airlines Salesmen, just finishing a shift selling to celebrity clients and I just wanted a drink after work. Not too long ago I was a director for a big modelling company (I’ll admit I got caught out on this one. Not to self: do research on the industry prior to lying). My point is, the world is your oyster. People will come to you, rather than you go to them. People will want to talk to you. And if the suit isn’t already boosting your confidence, then the gaggle of women flocking your way might do.

  • Mr. Respectable

Looking smart, making a bit of effort and actually keeping it up each and every day shows that you care. And this can greatly help your career. It shows that you have pride in yourself. It shows you believe in yourself, and to be honest if you don’t look like you believe in yourself; No fuckers going to believe in you, period.

The pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends.

Patrick Bateman, American Psycho [2000] played by Christian Bale, is a great character. Complex, smart, unpredictable.

However, in the scene where he hacked Jared Letos’ character, Paul Allen, to bits with an axe. Batemen put on timeless classic ‘Hip to be Square’ by Huey Lewis and The News, quoting the line:

A song so catchy, most people probably don’t listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it’s not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends. It’s also a personal statement about the band itself. Hey, Paul!

This really got me thinking.

Conformist. Conforming. Conform. 3 words which pretty negative vibes to them. We understand that Bateman wants to conform drastically, to seem as normal as possible. He also mentions this when Evelyn says to him “Well, you hate that job anyway. Why don’t you just quit? You don’t have to work.” to which he replies “Because I want…to fit…in“.

However, as we are not murderous psychopaths and we are only remote, work-hard-play-hard, commit-ophobic sociopaths we’ll have a look at this differently.

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The idea of conforming used to send shivers down my spine. I outright used to say I didn’t want a great job, or a big house or a nice car. If I could afford my bills and just enjoy life I’ll be fine. Recently though… fuck that shit. I’ve penned some new phrases I’d like you all to start rolling out and spreading around:

There is no such thing as too much of a good thing.

More is always better.

Money buys happiness.

People hire people, promote people and give pay raises to people who are like them. They won’t admit that is true, but psychologically it is just what they do. These people, who are all higher up than you right now, have already conformed. They already caved and straightened up! Done what is expected of them. Do well at work, dress well, get their hair cut, clean themselves sharp. And that is why they’re higher than you because their boss, who also did exactly the same thing years ago, hired him. and his boss hired him. And this dates all the way back to caveman times, believe it or not.

Chameleon up bro! Adapt to your surroundings. I did! I talked about this in a previous blog, but if there is one thing that made me cave to conformity, it was being single. I needed a win. and what did conformity give me? WIN WIN WIN BABY! I hit the jackpot! Doesn’t matter what makes you finally realise that it’s the way to go, and I’m not saying get a job in a company and do that for the rest of your life, god no we all have dreams. But in order to achieve dreams, you need to network. And to network effectively you need to fit in. And to fit in you need to, and let’s say this all together, that’s right boys and girls; Conform.

And what else is needed to network? A working knowledge of current trends. Music trends, sports, entertainment, science, politics, it doesn’t matter what the fuck it is! A working knowledge of trends opens you up to more conversation starters, it opens you up to meeting different people through shared interests, friends or even random conversations. Just like the art of conforming effectively, it makes people feel comfortable around you, and when people feel comfortable around someone they don’t mind spending more time with them. And, whether this leads to you scoring that big contract, getting your foot in the door for a job interview or even getting laid! There is absolutely no denying the social science behind the psychology of herds and likemindedness.

Today’s lesson: Tv Characters who make you think.

  1. Don Draper
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Why? Don is awesome. Don is a real man’s man. He gots the suits, he gots the money, he gots the women.

I like Don Draper because he is the confident, situation winning character that every bro should look up to. He’s a convincer. He doesn’t chase, he waits for people and opportunities to come to him. Why? because he knows that they will. He oozes a certain charisma that demands respect and attention. Jump over to youtube to watch some seriously good clips of how you can assert on workplace and personal situations and individuals by applying a few of Dons’ suave, sophisticated game winning tactics.

2. Barney Stinson

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Barney is a great character to study because he is the kind of bro that walks into the room and magnetises attention his way. And what do we all know attention gets you? Laid.

He is high energy, always looking to maximise the Legendary-ness of a situation in order to assure that he lives his life to the max. He does nothing half-arsed. You can see this by his need to accept every challenge presented to him (and not presented to him). He is the perfect modern character to learn from in regards to guaranteeing that after you work hard, you play hard.

Also: just look at the way he dresses…. damn.

3. Tommy Shelby

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Tommy Shelby is fucking badass and his suits are impeccable. If that’s not enough to admire in a character I don’t know what is?!

Although, the best quality of Tommy is that he is the cool, calm and collected ideas man. He gets shit done! It’s his way or no way and that is exactly how it should be! Why settle for something you don’t want and always know you didn’t really want it when you can figure out a way to get everything you want, all the time. Manipulate your surroundings to suit yourself.

Seriousness in the right situations is a powerful tool.

4. Hank Moody

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He just doesn’t give a fuck.

And this is great.

because why should you give a fuck? Shit happens.

4) Charlie Harper

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Charlie Sheen has always been a favourite of mine, so no doubt his TV counterpart (who is essentially just himself) would be too. I even had a goldfish called Charlie Sheen when I was 12!

Charlie Harper is a character who does what the fuck he wants and is still winning every day. He makes money, parties hard and enjoys life. Just look at his pad! The ultimate bachelor pad, take notes.

In summary:

I’m sure you’ve noticed that all of my favourite TV characters are strong, alpha male roles who dominate every situation they are in. Why? Because the entertainment you watch does, in fact, shape your own humour and mannerisms, because nowadays we watch so much of it! Yes, these people are fictional characters, but the people who created and developed these characters did their research. They would’ve consulted body language specialists and language experts. Don’t just watch these shows, study them, because you’ll take in a lot of speech and body language on board without even realising it.

A bunch of my friends are parents…..

People…. are stupid. Sheep, the lot of them.

So many people my age that I either know or am actually friends with have kids, for some weird reason. If they don’t have kids, then that’s probably just because the kid is still festering in their womb awaiting the day they can erupt from betwixt their legs and ruin their life.

Myself on the other hand; the thought of being diagnosed with a child just makes me want to;

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Children….Don’t have them. Simple as.

Loud, irritating, don’t seem to go away (no matter how hard you try), always need feeding and watering for some reason. This is everything to look forward to if you decide to go down this long and winding road. Or you could just remain awesome, and childless.
But, even as childlessness becomes more common, it still isn’t fully socially accepted.

I don’t want kids, at all. I cannot fathom why someone who wants to professionally and personally succeed in life should have kids. Granted sometimes the stork chucks one of these screaming bastards at you without you planning it.

I understand people who already have kids and describe the entire ordeal as ‘You’ve never known love until you’ve felt the love for your child’. Now, this is all good and well, but your downfall is…. I don’t want to feel this love at all, my love I have for myself is just fine to keep me going, thank you. You have a life of financial constriction, dirty nappies and snotty kids birthday parties, while we on the other hand have a closet full of suits, money in the bank and a string of one night stands (high five!). I like to look at the idea of having children as a hobby. I’ve tried loads of different hobbies growing up, some of them I liked and carried on, and some of them I didn’t like and gave up after a year or sometimes even 2 weeks. If you have a child you’re stuck with that hobby for the rest of your life. But, what if you get bored? what if you decide to do something different in your life? Tough titties bro, you’re trapped.

I recently overheard a conversation regarding somebody wanting to try for kids, and they put forward some frighteningly weak arguments for wanting one. The first of these was that “I want to see what they turn out like“. That’s nice isn’t it? Your child is essentially a social experiment originating from curiosity and a need to find a meaning within your relationship. And the future parent of the year award goes to….

“Kids aren’t personal experiments. They’re not mirrors we can admire ourselves in. They’re their own living, breathing people and they’ll look how they look, learn what they learn, and be who they are regardless of us.”

Isabelle Kohn

They followed this statement up with another reason of “My partner and I might make good parents“. So? I might make a good woman if I got a sex change but that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it? I might make a very successful career as a professional Hitman, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to do it? I might make a great parent too, but I would rather keep all my money to myself, go out whenever I want, have a full night sleep each and every night and not have to listen to bullshit songs like ‘Baby Shark’ for 12 hours straight.

Being a little selfish, concentrating on you, and actually enjoying your life isn’t a bad thing. Too many people I know tip-toe around the the world their entire lives, trying to keep everyone happy and when I advise them to be selfish for once their response is “Yeah, but, that’s not nice”. The world isn’t nice. There is nothing you can do about that. Why put other people’s wants, needs and expectancy’s ahead of your own. Instead of trying to achieve the impossible feat of making the world better, learn to work around it, adapt and make your own life better.

In summary;

Watching the world of parenting, from the outside world of being awesome…..

Nah, no thanks.