The pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends.

Patrick Bateman, American Psycho [2000] played by Christian Bale, is a great character. Complex, smart, unpredictable.

However, in the scene where he hacked Jared Letos’ character, Paul Allen, to bits with an axe. Batemen put on timeless classic ‘Hip to be Square’ by Huey Lewis and The News, quoting the line:

A song so catchy, most people probably don’t listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it’s not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends. It’s also a personal statement about the band itself. Hey, Paul!

This really got me thinking.

Conformist. Conforming. Conform. 3 words which pretty negative vibes to them. We understand that Bateman wants to conform drastically, to seem as normal as possible. He also mentions this when Evelyn says to him “Well, you hate that job anyway. Why don’t you just quit? You don’t have to work.” to which he replies “Because I want…to fit…in“.

However, as we are not murderous psychopaths and we are only remote, work-hard-play-hard, commit-ophobic sociopaths we’ll have a look at this differently.

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The idea of conforming used to send shivers down my spine. I outright used to say I didn’t want a great job, or a big house or a nice car. If I could afford my bills and just enjoy life I’ll be fine. Recently though… fuck that shit. I’ve penned some new phrases I’d like you all to start rolling out and spreading around:

There is no such thing as too much of a good thing.

More is always better.

Money buys happiness.

People hire people, promote people and give pay raises to people who are like them. They won’t admit that is true, but psychologically it is just what they do. These people, who are all higher up than you right now, have already conformed. They already caved and straightened up! Done what is expected of them. Do well at work, dress well, get their hair cut, clean themselves sharp. And that is why they’re higher than you because their boss, who also did exactly the same thing years ago, hired him. and his boss hired him. And this dates all the way back to caveman times, believe it or not.

Chameleon up bro! Adapt to your surroundings. I did! I talked about this in a previous blog, but if there is one thing that made me cave to conformity, it was being single. I needed a win. and what did conformity give me? WIN WIN WIN BABY! I hit the jackpot! Doesn’t matter what makes you finally realise that it’s the way to go, and I’m not saying get a job in a company and do that for the rest of your life, god no we all have dreams. But in order to achieve dreams, you need to network. And to network effectively you need to fit in. And to fit in you need to, and let’s say this all together, that’s right boys and girls; Conform.

And what else is needed to network? A working knowledge of current trends. Music trends, sports, entertainment, science, politics, it doesn’t matter what the fuck it is! A working knowledge of trends opens you up to more conversation starters, it opens you up to meeting different people through shared interests, friends or even random conversations. Just like the art of conforming effectively, it makes people feel comfortable around you, and when people feel comfortable around someone they don’t mind spending more time with them. And, whether this leads to you scoring that big contract, getting your foot in the door for a job interview or even getting laid! There is absolutely no denying the social science behind the psychology of herds and likemindedness.

Today’s lesson: Tv Characters who make you think.

  1. Don Draper
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Why? Don is awesome. Don is a real man’s man. He gots the suits, he gots the money, he gots the women.

I like Don Draper because he is the confident, situation winning character that every bro should look up to. He’s a convincer. He doesn’t chase, he waits for people and opportunities to come to him. Why? because he knows that they will. He oozes a certain charisma that demands respect and attention. Jump over to youtube to watch some seriously good clips of how you can assert on workplace and personal situations and individuals by applying a few of Dons’ suave, sophisticated game winning tactics.

2. Barney Stinson

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Barney is a great character to study because he is the kind of bro that walks into the room and magnetises attention his way. And what do we all know attention gets you? Laid.

He is high energy, always looking to maximise the Legendary-ness of a situation in order to assure that he lives his life to the max. He does nothing half-arsed. You can see this by his need to accept every challenge presented to him (and not presented to him). He is the perfect modern character to learn from in regards to guaranteeing that after you work hard, you play hard.

Also: just look at the way he dresses…. damn.

3. Tommy Shelby

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Tommy Shelby is fucking badass and his suits are impeccable. If that’s not enough to admire in a character I don’t know what is?!

Although, the best quality of Tommy is that he is the cool, calm and collected ideas man. He gets shit done! It’s his way or no way and that is exactly how it should be! Why settle for something you don’t want and always know you didn’t really want it when you can figure out a way to get everything you want, all the time. Manipulate your surroundings to suit yourself.

Seriousness in the right situations is a powerful tool.

4. Hank Moody

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He just doesn’t give a fuck.

And this is great.

because why should you give a fuck? Shit happens.

4) Charlie Harper

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Charlie Sheen has always been a favourite of mine, so no doubt his TV counterpart (who is essentially just himself) would be too. I even had a goldfish called Charlie Sheen when I was 12!

Charlie Harper is a character who does what the fuck he wants and is still winning every day. He makes money, parties hard and enjoys life. Just look at his pad! The ultimate bachelor pad, take notes.

In summary:

I’m sure you’ve noticed that all of my favourite TV characters are strong, alpha male roles who dominate every situation they are in. Why? Because the entertainment you watch does, in fact, shape your own humour and mannerisms, because nowadays we watch so much of it! Yes, these people are fictional characters, but the people who created and developed these characters did their research. They would’ve consulted body language specialists and language experts. Don’t just watch these shows, study them, because you’ll take in a lot of speech and body language on board without even realising it.

How to Fall in Love with Yourself, while wearing a suit #3

We’re Back.

Back with a bang.

Enough chit chat, lets get to it;

  • Rule #9  –  Suit Styles

There are specific suit colours and styles, for specific occasions and events. If you wear the wrong thing it will be noticed. And even if you’re surrounded by amateurs who won’t notice, you’ll notice. And if you’re anything like me, this will eat you alive.

  • All-Season Dark Solid.

Dark Charcoal or Navy is the move here – not black. Black is very formal and has it’s place in the world. But if you are going to own just one suit it should be a Dark Solid All-Season suit, two buttons, notch lapel. The sartorial equivalent of the little black dress.

Perfect for: Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, work, work do’s etc.etc.

  • Summer Suit.

Obviously most people would say shorts and a t-shirt would be more appropriate summer wear, however, nobody reading this is a T-shirt wearing lemming, right? RIGHT!? Doesn’t matter on the season, to score a 10 you need to be dressed to the nines.

Summer suits, light, approachable, fun. I have a lovely 3 piece tan suit closet at the moment just waiting for the first day of summer. The great thing about tan suits is that not a lot of people have them so as long as it a good fit with appropriate accessories, you’ll stand out.

Also good; Pastel Tones.

  • The Check Suit.

My personal favourite. I own a few that’s for sure. An all-over patterned suit is a surefire way to stand out from the crowd. Slightly on the edge of peacock territory. Also they look loud and fancy enough so that you look expensive.

To be the maverick that we all know you are, wear the full suit and have it tailored. You want this to be sharper than a serpents tooth.

  • Rule #10  –  Suit Fit

I’ve mentioned this time and time again, but I’m going to just do this again because I feel I need to (yes, that was a diss).

  • Collar Gap – Is there a gap between the collar of your shirt and your jacket? If so get your jacket tailored, this is a sign of an ill-fitting suit.
  • You should be able to snuggly slip your hand in-between your torso and the breast of your jacket. Snug but with enough room to move.
  • Shoulders, shoulders, shoulders. Put your jacket on and lean against a wall. Does it scrumple, look stretched and/or feel uncomfortable? No good pal. Does it look exactly the same as when you are standing straight? Ayyyyy perfect!

I’m enjoying doing this “How to fall in love with yourself….” series.

Please click here to see all posts in this series so far!

‘Just Be Yourself!’

Is officially the worst advice I have ever received in my life.

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t be so harsh about it, but in my opinion, ‘being yourself’ is something that should be saved for close friends and family only.

In the company of everyone else? be your character.

Your Character:

This is the you that the world sees. The professional you. The brooding you. The you that sits there with one eyebrow raised and a cheeky half smile while making eye contact with the girl with the great ass at the end of the bar.

Your character is your friend, your hero, it is the dream you.

Now, when you hang out with your friends (particularly your old friends who you knew before you started reading The ‘C’ Word and became awesome) you are going to revert. It’s natural, we all do it. especially close friends. You piss around. Laugh out loud at things you would usually just smirk at in playful reminisce, or not even find it funny at all. You mentally revert back to the period in your life they influenced.

But this should be kept for those situations and those situations only. Chuck Norris and Dead baby joke telling 16-year-old you doesn’t get invited to work events. Vine quoting, weed smoking 18-year-old you doesn’t get that juicy performance-based pay rise we all enjoy getting. Dreadlocked and scruffy bearded, oversized colourful vintage 80’s shirt wearing 21-year-old you doesn’t get you better service in retail and catering establishments and a very necessary regular trip to the STI clinic does it? (snizz on the reg, for those who don’t know) No, work discussing, current events loving, suit wearing, Alpha Male you does though

(Just to interject here: suits should be all the time though, just to clarify, although I know you all do anyway, apologies for the interruption, thank you for listening)  

Million Dollar Man yourself.

Improve you.

Then reap the benefits that come flooding in.

Tinder/Texting/Tinder/Texting

WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY!

Although it is still a vital people skill that every man should have, the days of scoring a chick in bars/events/clubs are over. Not gone away, but texting and Tinder have definitely taken over the number one spot. Even three or fours years ago it was different! You’re in a club, a bit of eye contact from her, a bit of eye contact from you, exchange a few smiles, you walk over, maybe you buy her a drink or two? You both laugh, you flirt, you get drunk and then you take her home and pray she still isn’t there in the morning. Or, alternatively, you secretly invite over a ‘Bro-With-Boobies’ to pretend to be your girlfriend so this other girl gets disgusted and leaves.

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It’s just a classic move!

Tinder has since replaced this, it gives more time to think about your reply, it gives you the opportunity to pick your own pictures and give the best first impression, it gives you an opportunity with A SEA OF WOMEN. It does, unfortunately, give her the choice of an infinite amount of men (unless she looks like a sled dog). Women have a 308% higher chance of getting laid from Tinder than men do, why? Because they gots the goods! Fact! They have two hypnotic himalayas sitting right in front of them, and they know it. The number of women I know that go out at the weekend and don’t even bother bringing cash with them, because they know this magical power they have over us!

It is not difficult to flirt with someone via your phone. You just need to know how to do it. I have deleted and restarted my Tinder account countless times! Why? Practice. I even paid for Tinder Gold for 6 months so that I could practice on people in other countries (disclaimer: The NYC ladies love me, of course).

Here are my Top Tips for a successful flirtation game, via Tinder:

  • Don’t be predictable!

“Hey” or “Hey, how’re you” or “Hey I love your pics lol”

Really? Is that the best you got? Well, that’s the best that a lot of dudes have too, so enjoy being the gummy bear at the bottom of a big ol’ bag of gummy bears, because you are not getting picked any time soon.

You have to be exciting! And no, your dick pic will not blow her away no matter how much you thought it would ( c’mon be honest with yourself bro).

  • Compliment at the start, but not on anything physical.

yeeeaaaaaaaaah telling her she has a great ass might sound great in your head (and to be fair, if she does have a great ass, pound it bro, nice one!). Compliments come in time, maybe ask about something in her bio, or something in the background of her pictures, like a location? Paying attention to her bio is important, and if you do it right later on you can be paying attention to her bio-logy (heh heh nice)

  • Playfulness leads to Nakedness

This is where Tinder trumps real life. You could be the most boring person in the world, but it at least gives you a chance that real life just doesn’t. It gives you time to think about something to say. Don’t be too serious, poke fun at her a little bit. Not too much though, making fun of her grandma dying last week with definitely not get you a blowy bro….. and the fact I felt the need to tell you that really says a lot… doesn’t it.

Sarcasm however, is a serious danger zone.

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Well, you better get the fuck out of the Danger Zone. It will get read the wrong way because there is no tone to text. They will think you’re a bit of a dick, maybe even a lot of a dick? and if they think you are a dick, guess who won’t be getting company later? Your dick.

  • The 72 hour rule

Don’t just talk for ages. If you’re talking for more than 72 hours without making plans to do something, you’re wasting your time. I’ve recently seen a case of this with a friend of mine. He was talking to this girl and she kept rain-checking their dates, for well over a week. Ghost that shit, don’t waste your time.

In regards to the 72-hour rule though, don’t just text her, text her, text her, text her. Don’t tell her your life story. She doesn’t need to know that shit. 3 maybe 4 texts a day, then meet her. Don’t try to over-qualify yourself. She matched with you. You are a total boss.

Now, put on your Hugh Hefner approved smoking jacket, get on your phone, and go crush that puss bro.

Fuck New Years Resolutions.

Everyone’s is the same: Eat Healthier, Go to the gym, drink less, blah blah blah…. but we all know these will be given up by January the 12th (if you’re an absolute warrior you might even last until January the 14th).

My point is that NOBODY sticks to their New Years Resolutions. I hate them. They’re an insufficient excuse for people to do whatever they want for the last month of the year because “I’m going to address it in the new year”. This is why you’re lazy/fat/unemployed/unkempt/ *insert anything you try to ignore about yourself but we all know is 100% true*

Instead of resolutions for New Years, set yourself goals for 2019. I don’t mean just replace the word resolution for the word goals, because that’s just stupid and completely proves my point…

I mean set yourself actual goals. BIG GOALS. small goals. Far-fetched goals and ones that are so achievable you could put your phone down right now and get them done in 10 minutes. My point is; When you start something and finish something, you feel good. When you start something and don’t finish it, you feel like a piece of shit who can’t finish something, because that’s exactly what has happened. If you want to go to the gym at the start of the new year, that’s fine! However, don’t tell everyone this is what you’re going to do because then when they see you a couple of weeks later ramming that Big Mac down your neck, we all know what they’ll be thinking.

Instead, tell yourself you want to try to get a bit fitter in spring. Go to the gym, start off on something easy, the bike, the treadmill, the crosstrainer maybe? This way to ease your unexperienced self into it instead of putting yourself off straight away.

You want to eat better in the new year? stop buying shit, simple as.

I love crisps. I mean, I really fucking love crisps. Remembering an old friend I affectionately call ‘Loser-Chandler”; He used to sit on his sofa every night, smoke a joint, and easily devour 2 or 3 family share-bags of Dorito’s. I still smoke, but I’ve taken the unhealthy food out of the equation by just not buying it.

Just make things do-able. Don’t try to find loopholes like “if I eat a salad for lunch I can wolf down that XL Chocolate Bar I have at home!” because it doesn’t work like that, you’re being lenient with yourself.

Things are tough to do, but that’s life. Suck it up and stop letting yourself down.