Fuck New Years Resolutions.

Everyone’s is the same: Eat Healthier, Go to the gym, drink less, blah blah blah…. but we all know these will be given up by January the 12th (if you’re an absolute warrior you might even last until January the 14th).

My point is that NOBODY sticks to their New Years Resolutions. I hate them. They’re an insufficient excuse for people to do whatever they want for the last month of the year because “I’m going to address it in the new year”. This is why you’re lazy/fat/unemployed/unkempt/ *insert anything you try to ignore about yourself but we all know is 100% true*

Instead of resolutions for New Years, set yourself goals for 2019. I don’t mean just replace the word resolution for the word goals, because that’s just stupid and completely proves my point…

I mean set yourself actual goals. BIG GOALS. small goals. Far-fetched goals and ones that are so achievable you could put your phone down right now and get them done in 10 minutes. My point is; When you start something and finish something, you feel good. When you start something and don’t finish it, you feel like a piece of shit who can’t finish something, because that’s exactly what has happened. If you want to go to the gym at the start of the new year, that’s fine! However, don’t tell everyone this is what you’re going to do because then when they see you a couple of weeks later ramming that Big Mac down your neck, we all know what they’ll be thinking.

Instead, tell yourself you want to try to get a bit fitter in spring. Go to the gym, start off on something easy, the bike, the treadmill, the crosstrainer maybe? This way to ease your unexperienced self into it instead of putting yourself off straight away.

You want to eat better in the new year? stop buying shit, simple as.

I love crisps. I mean, I really fucking love crisps. Remembering an old friend I affectionately call ‘Loser-Chandler”; He used to sit on his sofa every night, smoke a joint, and easily devour 2 or 3 family share-bags of Dorito’s. I still smoke, but I’ve taken the unhealthy food out of the equation by just not buying it.

Just make things do-able. Don’t try to find loopholes like “if I eat a salad for lunch I can wolf down that XL Chocolate Bar I have at home!” because it doesn’t work like that, you’re being lenient with yourself.

Things are tough to do, but that’s life. Suck it up and stop letting yourself down.